Oak Rim
Estates
Folsom, California 95630
Mike & Vicky
Jenn & Jay
Estimated duration: 90 minutes.
Actual duration: 90 minutes.
Before we
begin.
By scrolling past this point, you consent to a ninety (90) minute ownership opportunity presentation. Refreshments will not be provided. Exits are located nowhere.
There is no skip button. We looked into it.
Meet your
host team.
pending legal review
We took the liberty of reviewing your situation.
this weekend: 9
You live in San Mateo. All three of you. In what our research team believes to be, functionally, the same house.
We are not here to judge that. We are here to price it.
Let's talk about
your money.
Because right now, it is doing something we would describe, professionally, as nothing.
▲ 1.6% year over year
▼ 1.2% year over year
So at today's exchange rate, one San Mateo house equals:
Folsom houses. Two houses. For the price of the one you're standing in.
Together, you are sitting on $5.1 million of San Mateo.
We ran this three times. Our calculator is fine.
🏠🏠🏠
Six houses on Oak Rim Way.
Plus $517,146 in cash. Left over. For no reason. Because you'd already be done buying houses.
Note: San Mateo is up 1.6% this year. Folsom is down 1.2%. Yes. We are aware of what that means. It means this is happening to you, favorably, at this exact moment.
A word about
the floor plan.
Charlton
Vicky
Jay
Plan 2B · Elevation C · "The Sequoia"
Three homes. One elevation. A shared color palette described by the developer as "Greige — Warm."
Your mail carrier has never once been certain. Your own children have entered the wrong house. This is not luxury. This is a very expensive coincidence, repeated.
We also reviewed your children's names.
Colin & Casey
Jonathan & Josephine
Our analysts have flagged her as the one who gets out.
Three families. Three matched sets of initials. This is not a coincidence.
This is what happens when a household has more creative energy than square footage. You are decorating the only thing you were given room to decorate.
Your units.
Actual photography. Taken this week. Unstaged, unedited, and — we want to be clear about this — not wide-angle.
pending legal review
pending legal review
pending legal review
pending legal review
pending legal review
The water
situation.
Tahoe is under two hours away.
Roughly a hundred miles, straight up Highway 50, in the Sierra Nevada foothills where Folsom already sits.
Your current Tahoe procedure
Wake at 4:00 AM. Load seven children into three identical vehicles under cover of darkness. Cross the entire Central Valley. Arrive resentful.
The Folsom procedure
Leave after breakfast. Like a person.
There is, in fact,
a town.
dedicated pickleball courts.
Sixteen at Life Time. Twelve at Lembi Park, lit for night play. Eight at Broadstone Sports Club. Indoor and outdoor at Andy Morin. Plus Ace Pickleball Club and Pickleball Kingdom, both of which chose to open here, on purpose.
Yes, we have schools. Sit down.
4.08 / 5 · 552 reviews
high schools
#2 best public high school in Sacramento County. #2 for athletes. #7 in the region for STEM. Folsom Cordova Unified, and there's Vista del Lago too.
Your children are currently competing for a class rank against four hundred other children named after Roman emperors. Here, Maxwell is just a guy.
Folsom State Prison.
Opened 1880. Second-oldest prison in California. Johnny Cash played it in 1968 and made it, frankly, the most famous thing in town.
Assessed amenity value
Property crime deterrent. Excellent gift shop. A museum. And a shared cultural reference point that has produced one (1) genuinely great live album.
Additionally: your children will never run away from home. They have seen the alternative. It is right there.
San Mateo County's comparable landmark is a Nordstrom.
Don't take our word for it.
All statements below were submitted voluntarily, in writing, before this presentation existed.
Select your interval.
- One (1) weekend annually
- Unit 4B. The floor is included.
- Access to the regular coffee
- 0 points
- Four (4) weekends annually
- Your own key. Emotionally significant.
- Access to the good coffee
- May open the garage unsupervised
- 1,200 points
- Unlimited occupancy
- Mail forwarding
- Full voting rights in household disputes
- Thermostat privileges (advisory only)
- Named in the group chat as "family"
- 1,200 points
Terms of ownership
Points have no cash value, no point value, and may not be earned, redeemed, transferred, or discussed. Gold and Platinum are both 1,200 points. We have been asked about this. We will not be addressing it.
Maintenance fee: one (1) casserole per fiscal quarter. Store-bought is a breach.
Blackout dates: all of them. Every one. Inquire anyway.
This offer expires when you arrive
Today only.
And also tomorrow.
But mostly today.
Pricing at this level has never been offered to a group of this size from a single ZIP code in San Mateo County. It will not be offered again, except at every subsequent visit.
Folsom, California
Certificate of
Completion
This certifies that the bearer endured a ninety (90) minute ownership opportunity presentation in its entirety, including the portion about the floor plan.
Redeemable for
One (1) beverage of your choosing
at 108 Oak Rim Way, upon arrival
Awarded: 1,200 points
(non-redeemable, per Section 14)
Screenshot this. It is the only proof you will receive.
Present it at the door. We will pretend to inspect it.
See you tomorrow.
Oak Rim Estates™ is not a resort, a development, a registered timeshare, a fractional interest, a REIT, or a going concern. It is a house. Two adults and two children live in it. This weekend, briefly, seventeen people will.
"Platinum Squatter™" is not a legal status and confers no tenancy, adverse possession, or occupancy rights under California law. Do not test this. K.O., this means you specifically.
Points are notional. Points have never existed. The 1,200 figure was selected because it looked like a real number. Both Gold and Platinum are 1,200 points; this discrepancy is intentional and is the single most authentic element of this entire presentation.
The countdown timer does not count down to anything. It resets. It has always reset. Every timeshare timer you have ever seen also resets.
Photography was withheld pending legal review because there was no photography. There was no legal review either. There was, however, a very real conversation in a group chat, and this is what came of it.
Housing figures: Zillow, as of July 31, 2026 — Folsom average home value $763,818 (down 1.2% YoY); San Mateo average home value $1,700,018 (up 1.6% YoY). The "six houses plus $517,146" calculation assumes three San Mateo homes at average value converted to Folsom homes at average value, and ignores every transaction cost, tax consequence, and emotional cost of moving three families simultaneously. Consult a real professional. We are not one.
School data: Niche 2026 rankings for Folsom High School. Recreation data: California State Parks, Folsom Lake State Recreation Area. Pickleball court counts: Visit Folsom. Restaurant openings and event dates: local Folsom reporting, late summer 2026. Tahoe drive time approximate and traffic-dependent, like all things.
Folsom State Prison is an active correctional facility and is characterized here as an "amenity" for comedic purposes only. It is not an amenity. Please do not visit it in that spirit.
Gemma is going to be fine. Gemma is going to be more than fine.
Prepared with affection, at speed, the night before.
© MMXXVI Oak Rim Estates. No rights reserved. Bring the kids.